Capolo Henderson's Larryside mansion is up for sale.
Open house: May 5 from 1:00 p.m. until 5:00 p.m.
April 30, 2012
Home for sale
Capolo Henderson's Larryside mansion is up for sale.
Open house: May 5 from 1:00 p.m. until 5:00 p.m.
"Gary GaHorry Returns: The Manhattan Massacre" Cast Announced
The cast of the upcoming thriller "Gary GaHorry Returns: The Manhattan Massacre" has been released, to the delight of millions. Little Wendell Tookocka lost his life in the struggle outside HJ Productions Amphitheater, where Warren Dufresne made the announcement.
Rest of the cast:
Denny Doo as Dr. Yancey Petrovich
Oscar Rainbow as The Walrus
Wendell Bly as The Dead Rhinoceros (cameo)
Jickles Johovo as Pastor Bill
Imp Fu as Ted
Choo Cha as President Fils
Kluck Winston as the hammer
Mrooble Fonchonski as Manhattan
and introducing.....
Oonga Flops as "The Rectum Cleanser"
Coming to a theater near you in August, 2018!
 | |||
| Adande Sanchules as Gary GaHorry (lead role) |
 |
| Todd Sanchules as Little Timmy (dead) |
 |
| Brestin Sanchules as evil dictator Horace Winfrey |
 | |||
| Vonshai Sancules as Gorilla Stan |
 | ||
| Ernger Sanchules Jr. as Peanuts McPhee |
 |
| Ernger Sanchules Sr. as Bob Feathers |
Rest of the cast:
Denny Doo as Dr. Yancey Petrovich
Oscar Rainbow as The Walrus
Wendell Bly as The Dead Rhinoceros (cameo)
Jickles Johovo as Pastor Bill
Imp Fu as Ted
Choo Cha as President Fils
Kluck Winston as the hammer
Mrooble Fonchonski as Manhattan
and introducing.....
Oonga Flops as "The Rectum Cleanser"
Coming to a theater near you in August, 2018!
New cast list announced
Jeff Van Gundy: The Musical is coming to a theater near Trevor. The final cast list has been announced:
The ghost of Oscar Rainbow as Jeff Van Gundy
Capolo Henderson as Stan Van Gundy/Evil Stan Gundy
Miles Derner Jr. as himself
Julio Merced as the singing celery of truth
Beverly Choo as Mrs. Martha Van Gundy
Donovan Fimply as Lil' Potato
Benjamin "Late Night" Sanchules as Dr. Horatio Gladstone
Xavier Fonchonski as pastrami helmet salesman Art Bly
Hong Fui-Shwui as President Earl Van Gundy
Stuart Fratkin as styrofoam eating contest judge Max Sanchules
Wodsley Crugg as the evil Professor Bupkis
In theaters July 7!
The ghost of Oscar Rainbow as Jeff Van Gundy
Capolo Henderson as Stan Van Gundy/Evil Stan Gundy
Miles Derner Jr. as himself
Julio Merced as the singing celery of truth
Beverly Choo as Mrs. Martha Van Gundy
Donovan Fimply as Lil' Potato
Benjamin "Late Night" Sanchules as Dr. Horatio Gladstone
Xavier Fonchonski as pastrami helmet salesman Art Bly
Hong Fui-Shwui as President Earl Van Gundy
Stuart Fratkin as styrofoam eating contest judge Max Sanchules
Wodsley Crugg as the evil Professor Bupkis
In theaters July 7!
Rainbow Put On Van Gundy Alert
Breaking news from HQ as longtime editor and insane asylum resident Oscar Rainbow has been put on "Van Gundy Alert," effective immediately.
Rainbow
Officials had little information, but did mention that Van Gundy Alert is a state that "no one would want for their children." Apparently, it implies that a person looks like Jeff Van Gundy, and may need to be shot on sight. This marks another unfortunate development in the saga of Rainbow, who has been seen in the woods, at the asylum, and on Jupiter in recent weeks. Fellow editor Capolo Henderson offered his thoughts:
"I can't say I'm surprised. Oscar has been heading in this direction for years, and now he's officially a Jeff Van Gundy look-alike. It's somewhat sad, but it was his fate. Now we all just have to hope that he can be dealt with in a somewhat civil manner, because if not, the only way these things resolve themselves is through military force."
If spotted, please call the Van Gundy Squad at 6. Dr. Rainbow should be considered dangerous with an intent to Van Gundy. Please keep a distance of at least 17 feet as Rainbow may bite, spreading his Van Gundy to the general population.
- Staff Rainbow Man Warren Lump
Rainbow
Officials had little information, but did mention that Van Gundy Alert is a state that "no one would want for their children." Apparently, it implies that a person looks like Jeff Van Gundy, and may need to be shot on sight. This marks another unfortunate development in the saga of Rainbow, who has been seen in the woods, at the asylum, and on Jupiter in recent weeks. Fellow editor Capolo Henderson offered his thoughts:
"I can't say I'm surprised. Oscar has been heading in this direction for years, and now he's officially a Jeff Van Gundy look-alike. It's somewhat sad, but it was his fate. Now we all just have to hope that he can be dealt with in a somewhat civil manner, because if not, the only way these things resolve themselves is through military force."
If spotted, please call the Van Gundy Squad at 6. Dr. Rainbow should be considered dangerous with an intent to Van Gundy. Please keep a distance of at least 17 feet as Rainbow may bite, spreading his Van Gundy to the general population.
- Staff Rainbow Man Warren Lump
April 27, 2012
Henderson's Whereabouts Unknown
Capolo Henderson, Hey Jerk editor and founder of the Horace County chapter of Gravel Eater's Anonymous, has once again gone missing. Early reports have the 53-year old living in an oak tree near Woddles Forest, while several other reports have very little information.
Henderson, who was last seen eating a photograph of a baked potato April 26, is considered elbow and Darren.
April 26, 2012
Thursday Afternoon Baseball Card Auction
Autographed and Armpit Sweat Stained Brett Pill Card (2012 Topps)
.JPG)
$.01 obo. Call Harold (462-0097). Walrus trades will be considered.
Alfredo Simon Murder Card (2012 Topps)
.JPG)
Trades only. Looking for Alvaro Espinoza rookie card (mint) or stained underwear. Contact Leslie (leslie@stainedundies.com)
Devin Mesoraco Unsigned Carrd (2012 Topps)
.JPG)
Do my laundry. Wont accept less than a thorough cleansing of my Homer Simpson mug. Call Tra'Trevor (4)
*All photographs made available by Waldo Shermania Enterprises
.JPG)
$.01 obo. Call Harold (462-0097). Walrus trades will be considered.
Alfredo Simon Murder Card (2012 Topps)
.JPG)
Trades only. Looking for Alvaro Espinoza rookie card (mint) or stained underwear. Contact Leslie (leslie@stainedundies.com)
Devin Mesoraco Unsigned Carrd (2012 Topps)
.JPG)
Do my laundry. Wont accept less than a thorough cleansing of my Homer Simpson mug. Call Tra'Trevor (4)
*All photographs made available by Waldo Shermania Enterprises
Waldo Shermania Passes
12:03 p.m. GST - Waldo Shermania has reportedly been swallowed whole by a mountain lion, according to some tree sap with knowledge of the situation. It's the third time since 2001 that a Shermania has been eaten by a mountain lion as Wayne Shermania passed in December, 2001 and little Peebo Shermania was sacrificed during the Festival of Too Many Shermanias in August, 2008.
A funeral for Waldo was scheduled for Saturday, but was quickly canceled due to lack of Horaces.
A funeral for Waldo was scheduled for Saturday, but was quickly canceled due to lack of Horaces.
April 25, 2012
"Ploopified" Release Date Announced
Ernie "Tractor Hump" Ploop has finally announced the release date for his upcoming autobiography, "Ploopified."
Ploop
Ploop released the following statement through his interpreter, Benny Wu:
"The book is set to be released August 15th, 2022. We will charge an initial fee of 47 dollars, plus a monthly handling fee of 52 dollars for the remainder of your life. We are pleased with how the book is coming along, and plan to have well over 15 pages by the time it is complete. Until then, hold your breath. Literally, hold your breath, because I have gas."
"Ploopified" has promised to deliver several previously classified facts about Ploop's life, including the rumored pilgrimage to Jupiter, the supposed horse fornication incident of '58 (now confirmed), and the New England ostrich murders of the late 1980's.
The Jerk will have continued coverage of "Ploopified" as more information is released by the Ploop camp.
- Staff Ploop Man Warren Lump
Ploop
Ploop released the following statement through his interpreter, Benny Wu:
"The book is set to be released August 15th, 2022. We will charge an initial fee of 47 dollars, plus a monthly handling fee of 52 dollars for the remainder of your life. We are pleased with how the book is coming along, and plan to have well over 15 pages by the time it is complete. Until then, hold your breath. Literally, hold your breath, because I have gas."
"Ploopified" has promised to deliver several previously classified facts about Ploop's life, including the rumored pilgrimage to Jupiter, the supposed horse fornication incident of '58 (now confirmed), and the New England ostrich murders of the late 1980's.
The Jerk will have continued coverage of "Ploopified" as more information is released by the Ploop camp.
- Staff Ploop Man Warren Lump
Ballwind Makes "Name"
Hargrove A. (Appleseed) Ballwind has made a "name" for himself, according to Staff Poo Poo Warren DelRhinoceros.
Ballwind
Ballwind made a "name" by making a giant sign outside of HQ that just read "name." His motivation for this is unknown, but it is believed it has to do with the economy.
Ballwind then fled the premises, and is now wanted for murder. He was last seen wearing a Teen Wolf t-shirt and holding an elephant tusk in his left hand. He is not wearing pants or underwear.
Please contact The Jerk if you have any information on Ballwind's whereabouts.
- Staff Ballwind Man D'Quan Buffalo
Ballwind
Ballwind made a "name" by making a giant sign outside of HQ that just read "name." His motivation for this is unknown, but it is believed it has to do with the economy.
Ballwind then fled the premises, and is now wanted for murder. He was last seen wearing a Teen Wolf t-shirt and holding an elephant tusk in his left hand. He is not wearing pants or underwear.
Please contact The Jerk if you have any information on Ballwind's whereabouts.
- Staff Ballwind Man D'Quan Buffalo
Woddles Hired
Here's Woddles' weekly schedule:
Monday - Low mein noodle wigs
Tuesday - Kung pao chicken
Wednesday - Beef with broccoli (w/50s-era broccoli helmet)
Thursday - off day
Friday - Beef Teriyaki Man (w/cape and beef goggles)
Saturday - Sweet and sour chicken
Sunday - Morning: The Mu Shu Pork Avenger
Evening: egg roll target practice
Ernesto Ploop contributed to this story
April 23, 2012
**BREAKING** DelRhinoceros Breaks Wind
Warren DelRhinoceros, famous for his poached potato stew, has farted.
DelRhinoceros
Reports started trickling in from "people in the know" around 6 AM EST this morning that Warren had broken gas, and in the process had lost three of his limbs. These reports were later confirmed by a spokesman for the United States military, who were the first on the scene and have taken Dr. DelRhinoceros into custody.
"The Dr. has passed air, and has been taken to a secure location where his fate will be decided in the coming hours" said United States General Gary Schavonn.
Immediate reaction has ranged from shock to bliss. Fans of the Dr. have already started a protest outside his home, raising Pro-Wind banners and chanting "Wind equals freedom!" Anti-Wind protests have also begun, with little Gregory Kooka losing his life outside a Walmart in Springfield, Illinois.
Further updates will come as they are made available to The Jerk.
- Staff Wind Man Warren Lump
DelRhinoceros
Reports started trickling in from "people in the know" around 6 AM EST this morning that Warren had broken gas, and in the process had lost three of his limbs. These reports were later confirmed by a spokesman for the United States military, who were the first on the scene and have taken Dr. DelRhinoceros into custody.
"The Dr. has passed air, and has been taken to a secure location where his fate will be decided in the coming hours" said United States General Gary Schavonn.
Immediate reaction has ranged from shock to bliss. Fans of the Dr. have already started a protest outside his home, raising Pro-Wind banners and chanting "Wind equals freedom!" Anti-Wind protests have also begun, with little Gregory Kooka losing his life outside a Walmart in Springfield, Illinois.
Further updates will come as they are made available to The Jerk.
- Staff Wind Man Warren Lump
April 17, 2012
Lyleson Eats Most Aardvarks
A shocking result in Malik County early Tuesday morning as 53-year old Warren Lyleson won the national Aardvark Eating Contest. Lyleson had started eating aardvarks competitively just 16 months ago, but stunned the crowd of guys named Horace with a North American-record 11 A.C.H. (aardvarks consumed in an hour).
Lyleson, who Tuesday was playing for the Make A Noise With Your Arm Pit Foundation, becomes the oldest winner in the tournament's 310-year history, and moves on to the international competition June 7-11. He'll compete against seven-time international champion Son Ke Liu, and a lady named Wendy.
Lyleson's mailman, Dwight, declined comment.
Lyleson, who Tuesday was playing for the Make A Noise With Your Arm Pit Foundation, becomes the oldest winner in the tournament's 310-year history, and moves on to the international competition June 7-11. He'll compete against seven-time international champion Son Ke Liu, and a lady named Wendy.
Lyleson's mailman, Dwight, declined comment.
April 14, 2012
J. Scott Cut From Coolies
J. Scott, who was expected to play first base and bat sixth or not at all for the Hey Jerk Coolies, has been cut, according to manager Pupu Quimm.
Scott, who hit .093 for the 2011 Coolies and also owns four short-sleeve dress shirts, was seen outside Coolie Park insulting a water fountain when Quimm broke the news.
To fill the roster spot, general manager Glenn M. has announced the team has purchased the contract of Malik Ruuso from the Independent Horace League. Ruuso was the league's coughing champion in 2006 and 2007, and during the league's 2010 all-star weekend drank an entire bottle of shampoo to win the skills challenge.
Scott, who hit .093 for the 2011 Coolies and also owns four short-sleeve dress shirts, was seen outside Coolie Park insulting a water fountain when Quimm broke the news.
To fill the roster spot, general manager Glenn M. has announced the team has purchased the contract of Malik Ruuso from the Independent Horace League. Ruuso was the league's coughing champion in 2006 and 2007, and during the league's 2010 all-star weekend drank an entire bottle of shampoo to win the skills challenge.
April 13, 2012
Donnie Walsh: New Coolie GM
Coolie owner Stefan Kristensen has decided the squadron needed a new direction. Early Friday morning, he fired ex-GM Hector Winfield and hired on Donald Walsh, who leaves his post as New York Knicks GM to take on a "new challenge." Walsh will be compensated with 4 Kork Ashirmin bobble heads per year.
Walsh
Walsh offered a statement through his dead person interpreter, Edwin Edwinnio:
"I plan on offing half the squad within a weeks time. That's all for now."
The Coolies will have to deal with this shocking news while preparing for today's game against the Portland Yetis.
- Beat Writer Juan DelCoolie
Walsh
Walsh offered a statement through his dead person interpreter, Edwin Edwinnio:
"I plan on offing half the squad within a weeks time. That's all for now."
The Coolies will have to deal with this shocking news while preparing for today's game against the Portland Yetis.
- Beat Writer Juan DelCoolie
Hey Jerk Coolies v. Portland, 1:05 EST: Lineup Announced
1) Kork Ashirmin LF
2) Michaela C
3) Pat Zinn 3B/SS
4) Pat Zinn SS/3B
5) Alfredo Sanchules DH
6) J. Scott 1B
7) N/A
8) N/A
9) Greg RF
17) Kork Ashirmin 2B
Manager: Pupu Quimm
Coolie Beat Writer Juan DelCoolie: "Why is Pat Zinn batting third and fourth, coach?"
Coach Pupu Quimm: "It had to be that way."
2) Michaela C
3) Pat Zinn 3B/SS
4) Pat Zinn SS/3B
5) Alfredo Sanchules DH
6) J. Scott 1B
7) N/A
8) N/A
9) Greg RF
17) Kork Ashirmin 2B
Manager: Pupu Quimm
Coolie Beat Writer Juan DelCoolie: "Why is Pat Zinn batting third and fourth, coach?"
Coach Pupu Quimm: "It had to be that way."
Friday Night Cancellations
Adult Softball, League C
* Gervin's Galoshes at Team Orange - moved to 6:00 p.m.
* Team 4 inter squad scrimmage - PPD (ant farm theft)
* John Hu Traveling All Stars at Team 9 - PPD (rhino)
Hey Jerk Theater Co.
* Rocky 7: Uncle Paulie's Revenge - play opening moved to May 17
* Gervin's Galoshes at Team Orange - moved to 6:00 p.m.
* Team 4 inter squad scrimmage - PPD (ant farm theft)
* John Hu Traveling All Stars at Team 9 - PPD (rhino)
Hey Jerk Theater Co.
* Rocky 7: Uncle Paulie's Revenge - play opening moved to May 17
For Sale
Torn Jeremy Jeffress Topps 2011 Baseball Card
$67 obo. Email Oscar for details. oscarrainbow@gmail.com
April 12, 2012
Otto Von Plooben Hired
Otto Von Plooben, formerly convicted of pigicide (The state of Illinois v. Otto Von Plooben, 1966), was released from Warren Quigley Prison for the Overweight yesterday and immediately hired on by President Glenn as Staff Pig Nutritionist.
Von Plooben
Von Plooben, who flies to search for prey and squandered giraffe brains, landed on HQ premises at approximately 7:05 AM GST this morning. He took his place under Fred Guagaloo's footstool and will remain there until assassinated.
- Staff Fruit Fly Randy Floo
Von Plooben
Von Plooben, who flies to search for prey and squandered giraffe brains, landed on HQ premises at approximately 7:05 AM GST this morning. He took his place under Fred Guagaloo's footstool and will remain there until assassinated.
- Staff Fruit Fly Randy Floo
April 10, 2012
Von Hammerwitz's tongue out of control
2:55 p.m. LST - Oopstelovich "Oopie" Von Hammerwitz's tongue has threatened several staff members and declared war on a bowl of chocolate chip mint ice cream, according to sources familiar with Ken Corcoran's situation.
Von Hammerwitz, who came to this planet in 1973 with direct orders to assassinate Dr. Emmit Crugg, will be under constant surveillance as Jerk staff attempts to remove the tongue without interrupting any ongoing investigations.
Von Hammerwitz declined comment, though he did marry an ostrich.
Hey Jerk Tuesday Afternoon Slaying: Hooka Kokka
Hooka Kokka was offed at a company picnic earlier this afternoon. Reports vary, but it is believed he was "eaten by a wild giraffe."
RIP Hooka Kokka
RIP Hooka Kokka
April 9, 2012
Walton C. Crugg: Alive
Walton Confucious Crugg, the latest in a long line of Cruggs that are now deceased, is believed to be one of a handful of Cruggs left on this Earth. He has appointed himself King of the Cruggians, and will reign on Crugg Island and oversee the "restoration of the Crugg population to its previous glory and eventual dictatorship of the Earth."
Crugg
Walton C. was previously unknown, as the last remaining Crugg was thought to have been 'taken care of' several years ago. The existence of additional Cruggs comes as a shock and as a point of interest to Staff President Fat Neck Glenn, who released the following statement through his mule translation architect, Mule Johnson:
" While we are saddened that the reign of the Cruggs seems to be on the precipice of a return, we firmly believe that in due time the Crugg Threat of 2012 will be remembered as a feeble attempt at power, and that the Crugg race simply is not capable of maintaining stability or life for any longer than a few months. Therefore, we choose to take no action against the Cruggians at this time. "
Stay tuned as more Cruggs are sure to "arise."
- Staff Crugg Analyst Bob Feathers
Crugg
Walton C. was previously unknown, as the last remaining Crugg was thought to have been 'taken care of' several years ago. The existence of additional Cruggs comes as a shock and as a point of interest to Staff President Fat Neck Glenn, who released the following statement through his mule translation architect, Mule Johnson:
" While we are saddened that the reign of the Cruggs seems to be on the precipice of a return, we firmly believe that in due time the Crugg Threat of 2012 will be remembered as a feeble attempt at power, and that the Crugg race simply is not capable of maintaining stability or life for any longer than a few months. Therefore, we choose to take no action against the Cruggians at this time. "
Stay tuned as more Cruggs are sure to "arise."
- Staff Crugg Analyst Bob Feathers
April 6, 2012
Meet A GCSA Team: Sid's Sub Shop
Location: West Chuckles
Team name: Sid's
Stadium: Tubs Bracken Memorial Field
Capacity: 40
Owner: Abner Cruthnick
GM: Viv Cruthnick
Manager: Jolly Perkins
Last season: 23-18, 7th place
Southwest Conference
C: Divonshai Clifford
1B: Herb Alloway
2B: Lyonel Kingston
SS: Bernie Tapada
3B: The Forehead
RF: Alphonse Butter
CF: Waylon Pete
LF: H'Kwonce Butter
UT: Jolly Perkins
SP: Delwood Morris
SP: Milkcarton Graham
RP: Ethan Jelly
CL: Bingo Marcel
April 4, 2012
Yorbit On Roof
Troubling news from Jerk headquarters as staff member Emanuel Yorbit is on the roof and demanding to speak with an elephant.
It's not the first time the 33-year old has ascended to the roof. In 1988, he sat atop the Winkleman's roof for five days to promote awareness of chimneys, and while Christmas caroling in December, 2005, he ate part of the Paddock's roof to "win a bet with a squirrel." (Capolo Times, 12/19/05).
Staff editor Capolo Henderson released a statement from inside a hippopotamus' mouth:
"(Yorbit) owes me seven pecans. If he's not down by Saturday, I'm going to have to shoot him down. We can't have this kind of behavior, not during mailbox flag season."
After issuing the statement, Henderson was eaten by the hippopotamus and he was presumed delicious by several other hippopotamus in attendance.
It's not the first time the 33-year old has ascended to the roof. In 1988, he sat atop the Winkleman's roof for five days to promote awareness of chimneys, and while Christmas caroling in December, 2005, he ate part of the Paddock's roof to "win a bet with a squirrel." (Capolo Times, 12/19/05).
Staff editor Capolo Henderson released a statement from inside a hippopotamus' mouth:
"(Yorbit) owes me seven pecans. If he's not down by Saturday, I'm going to have to shoot him down. We can't have this kind of behavior, not during mailbox flag season."
After issuing the statement, Henderson was eaten by the hippopotamus and he was presumed delicious by several other hippopotamus in attendance.
April 3, 2012
Alistair Savootchky On Board
Alistair Savootchky, one of 14 remaining Savootchky's remaining alive in the wild, surfaced today at HQ and was immediately hired as Staff Nolan Ryan, pending a Nolan Ryan Nostril Hair background check.
Savootchky
Savootchky has been in hiding for over 4 decades, as he was under federal investigation for testicle-hair laundering in the late 50's. Before the government could convict, Savootchky escaped to the jungle. He was last seen purchasing a pair of loafers in a shop in Portland in 1988.
Bio
Name: Alistair Quintis Savootchky
Age: 93
Sex: Unknown
Partner: Warren Savootchky
Height: N/A
Weight: N/A
Nose: yes
Comments: Enjoys gorilla hunting, Derwood Morris 4EVA, swimming the Atlantic Ocean; dislikes Bob Feathers and the evil race of elephants taking over Europe.
Please join us in welcoming Alistair to our staff!
- Staff Savootchky man Warren Lump
Savootchky
Savootchky has been in hiding for over 4 decades, as he was under federal investigation for testicle-hair laundering in the late 50's. Before the government could convict, Savootchky escaped to the jungle. He was last seen purchasing a pair of loafers in a shop in Portland in 1988.
Bio
Name: Alistair Quintis Savootchky
Age: 93
Sex: Unknown
Partner: Warren Savootchky
Height: N/A
Weight: N/A
Nose: yes
Comments: Enjoys gorilla hunting, Derwood Morris 4EVA, swimming the Atlantic Ocean; dislikes Bob Feathers and the evil race of elephants taking over Europe.
Please join us in welcoming Alistair to our staff!
- Staff Savootchky man Warren Lump
April 2, 2012
Warren Savootchky Finds Deceased Mule Outside HQ, Changes Name to Horatio
Warren Savootchky has always been known for his kindness, his empathy, and his odor. He has not showered since the incident in Autumn of 1947 (Peacock-Williams vs. The State Of Utah).
Savootchky
Since then, however, he has devoted his life to located and cremating the remains of lost deceased mules. To this day, after 60+ years of work, he has located 1 (one) mule in the state of passed on-edness, and that was today. Today, Warren located little Rolf Muleson, a mule that was lost to the plague in the summer months of 1844. Several surrounding antelopes were stunned by the discovery, having lived on the lands outside of Jerk HQ for decades on end.
Local antelope and armadillo murderer Stoff Fenchman commented "Long Live Derwood Q. Morris IV."
Warren, who has now found fame and fortune, consumed the remains of little Rolf and changed his name to Horation "To quell the uprisings."
- Staff Warren Lump Warren Lump
Savootchky
Since then, however, he has devoted his life to located and cremating the remains of lost deceased mules. To this day, after 60+ years of work, he has located 1 (one) mule in the state of passed on-edness, and that was today. Today, Warren located little Rolf Muleson, a mule that was lost to the plague in the summer months of 1844. Several surrounding antelopes were stunned by the discovery, having lived on the lands outside of Jerk HQ for decades on end.
Local antelope and armadillo murderer Stoff Fenchman commented "Long Live Derwood Q. Morris IV."
Warren, who has now found fame and fortune, consumed the remains of little Rolf and changed his name to Horation "To quell the uprisings."
- Staff Warren Lump Warren Lump
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