September 30, 2011

Fempot Hired

Rhinoceros Fempot, cousin of Gary Fempot and Hector Fempot, son of Leo Fempot, grandson of Gary Fempot Sr. , brother of Gregory Fempot and uncle of Lil' Louie Fempot, has been hired as Staff Melvin.

Rhinoceros Fempot



Upon hearing of his hire, Rhinoceros defecated on Oscar Rainbow's doorstep and ran into the woods, screaming.

Please join us in welcoming Fempot to the staff.

- Staff Fempot Man Arnold Schwarzenegger

New Cast List Announced

The cast list has been announced for the upcoming sequel Throw Momma From The Train II: Owen's Revenge


Owen Lift as himself
Capolo Yolandis Henderson as Larry Donner
Aunt Estelle Pederbury as the ghost of Momma Lift
Francene Calhoun as Grandma Lift
Willy Petunia as Mr. Pinsky
Art Bryson as the singing hedge trimmer of wisdom
Eddie Xomcheese as evil Owen
Baniqua Gerald as Beth
Denise Fawkturn as Mrs. Hazeltine
Ronald Pueblo as the train

Also:

Assistant to Mr. Lift: Malik Ruso
Talking lettuce stunt double: Bob Feathers Jr.


In theaters November 3!

Friday Portrait: Owen Lift

September 29, 2011

John Lackey Book Names

"The Ugliest Man to Ever Play the Sport of Baseball: The John Lackey Story"

"You have cancer? Lets get a divorce! The John Lackey Story"

"Carl Stinks Worse Than I Do! The John Lackey Story"

"Wait - We Didn't Win The World Series? The John Lackey Story"

"My Left Cleat Stinks - The John Lackey Story"

"Someone Misplaced My Underwear Again and I Have To Play With No Undies - The John Lackey Story"

"AJ Burnett Won The Cy Young, Right? The John Lackey Story"

September 28, 2011

A Letter to the Editor from Crazy Shane

Dear,

Hey Jerk:

Firsts, I diddle doodle noffing you knuckle flumders. Asking my brillo pad-in law, Ferris, his nose my wheelbarrow abouts. I was a home, sleep on a cow.

And any, I wouldn't vote for these gassers, they pobbily don't wersh their dungers or their jog straps.


Until,
Shane


[Source: The Shane Bruno Letters - Copyright, 2011]

"Glenn's Murder Fiends" Spot Oberman

"Glenn's Murder Fiends" - the group formed by Staff President Rodney Glenn Minkus to locate the fugitive known as Ross Oberman - caught a brief glimpse of the man himself before he unfortunately escaped into the woods. The photo was taken near a Little Caesers (where Oberman apparently frequents) in Salt Lake City, Utah.

Oberman


If you have any information on the whereabouts of Ross Oberman, please call 1-800-DIE-ROSS.

September 27, 2011

Lundquist Finally Brought On Board



The suffering of an entire nation is finally over as Jerk management has announced the hiring of Verne Lundquist as Staff Lundquist. Verne, who recently starred in the off-broadway play Me and Verne Lundquist, was selected over hundreds of Lundquists, including Mitch Lundquist and Lundquist The Clown.

Verne will occupy office #210, which recently was the hideout for an army of killer sandpaper. (Source: Sandpaper Times)

Werner Peepants: Never Had a Shot

Werner "Tinkle" Peepants came to this planet with the hopes of life without boundaries. He had grown up on the war-ridden Smello, the second moon of the super-planet Vremoth. Like all Smellonians, Peepants dreamed of making it in life. He just wanted a shot at things. A long time pants pee-er, Werner thought he had an advantage over all of the other inhabitants of Smello. He thought his rare combination of skill and attractiveness could land him a gig on Earth, specifically at the international famous blog HJGOML.

Unfortunately for Peepants, he was dead wrong.

Werner Peepants (Deceased)


Werner finally made it to Jerk HQ early Tuesday morning, and was greeted by Staff Dead Person Chung Fonway. Peepants began to speak.

"Hi, Im Werner Peepants from the planet Smel..."

Fonway had heard enough. He immediately pulled out his machete and decapitated Ol' Peepants, ending his existence. The man had traveled across the stars for a shot at life, only to meet his demise at the doorstep of his dreams. Peepants remains will be left at the doorstep until they decay and eventually become part of the Earth.

Movie scripts are already being written to chronicle the story of Werner "Tinkle" Peepants. Some of the names being floated around right now are:

  • Werner Peepants: The Man, The Pee, The Pants
  • Peepants is DEAD, Move On With Your Lives, Please
  • The Planet Smello and it's President, Werner Peepants: A Biopic of a Smellonian's Mission to Gain Freedom
  • A Cricket Match with Werner Peepants: How to Win at Cricket Within 30 Days or Your Money Back
  • Werner Made Peepee But a Little Doo Came Out
Look for one of these exciting movies to be released soon at a theater near you.

September 26, 2011

Chickenman Hired


In a stunning turn of events, The Jerk has recently begun hiring mutants. A steady reader may say "but what about all those other hires... aren't they mutants too?" The answer? "No. Don't be an idiot."

The Jerk's inaugural mutant hire comes in the form of Chorlin Chickenman. While his duties have not been completely defined yet, he will be in charge of individual staff wake up calls. The culmination of his interview was when he stripped naked and darted through the halls of The Jerk headquarters yelling "Cock-a-doodle-doooooooooo!" leaving mottled feathers in his wake.

While Chorlin is not yet a father, he has been sitting on the same hard-boiled egg (no relation to Rodney the soft-boiled egg) for 4 years in hopes of bringing forth a Chorlin, Jr. And we just know he'll be successful! We don't have the heart to tell him otherwise...

Next time you're visiting The Jerk headquarters, stop by Chorlin's roost and welcome him to the family. Be prepared to be challenged to a game of NES Duckhunt though - he's the champion in Singapore.

Balfallo Hired



Constantine Balfallo has been hired as Staff Ankle. Balfallo was selected amongst a number of viable candidates, including that guy over there and a postage stamp named Marty.

Body biography

* Hockey goalie sticks for legs
* Anvil head


- Correspondent Nenick Berkhaulter

Dr. Crugg: DEAD!

To all of the Crugg supporters out there: ITS OVER!



Cause of Death: Gary GaHorry.

Oberman On Run, Releases Photo of New Look

Ross Oberman, on the run and believed to be located somewhere on Earth, for some reason decided to release a photo to the press revealing his new appearance. This would seem to be counterproductive to most, as people on the run generally keep their disguises to themselves.

Oberman


Police Chief Flavence Smoomp said that several observations can be made based on the new photo.

"First of all, it appears as if Mr. Oberman has gained 50-100 lbs. His diet clearly consists of candy bars and corn on the cob. Secondly, Oberman has obviously joined a Co-Ed softball team based on his new footwear. Third, we believe that Oberman is most likely armed and dangerous, based on the fact that he has no arms. We believe this photo proves that Oberman will most likely issue another threat in the near future, possibly aimed toward the inhabitants of Pluto."

- Staff Oberman Man Gary Oberman

September 24, 2011

BREAKING: Glenn Returns!

Rodney "Fat Neck" Glenn is back.

Glenn, who died 7 months ago in a peanut explosion, has risen from the dead.

Glenn


While it is unknown how Glenn rose from the Gary, many believe it was an act of a superior power.

"The Jerk has fallen into disarray without Glenn's leadership," said Staff Foot Footmond Junes, "and President Glenn is back just in time to change things. First things first - take care of this Oberman guy."

Glenn, who speaks Chinese, did not offer any statement upon his return to HQ. He simply walked straight to his old office, threw current inhabitant Elephant Rainbow out the window (deceased), and started his daily routine of singing "Baby got back" before getting down to business.

Please welcome President Glenn back to the Jerk!

September 22, 2011

Oberman Issues New Threat, Now On the Lam

Ross Oberman, recent death threat initiator, issued a new threat this morning through his walrus, Fronk.

"I am expanding my murderous ways to that of the entire country of Switzerland. No longer will the Swiss take advantage of Obermans in Europe (OiE). Our conglomeration will eliminate the entire country, and feed it to our new slave, Oscar Rainbow. The Swiss population has had their time in the Gary, and now it is time for them to release their bowels into a toilet located at the Oberman Complex for the Criminally Gary. There they will remain until we decide on the most efficient way to mass-eliminate the entire population in the Oberman Chamber."

Oberman Poster


Please contact Sheriff Daquaggo Alfonte with any tips that could lead to Obermans arrest.

September 20, 2011

Woolitz Missing

Breaking news from Hey Jerk headquarters as Boris Woolitz, former translator for the Puppitch family and vice president of the Venning County chapter of the Danny Devito Fan Club, has gone missing. We'll stay with this story as long as the refrigerator remains stocked with dandelions.

- Correspondent Maurice Ruso

September 19, 2011

Oberman Issues Death Threat



After not getting the staff doo doo job early Monday, Ross Oberman responded the only way he knows how: by delivering a haunting death threat to no one in particular. The Jerk has obtained the threat and here it is in-full:

Let me start by saying that Capolo Henderson better watch his step because I'm coming after him with everything I have: a carpet sample and a plate of scrambled eggs. After Henderson I go office to office at Hey Jerk headquarters taking out every staff member who gave me lip. Now I transition into third person for those who remember my days as Eyebrows the Clown. Ross Oberman is not going to take this kind of treatment. He's a man who came to this country with a dream to one day be a staff doo doo man for an up and coming, internationally-renowned blog. That dream was dashed this morning when he interviewed for the position and had his pants pulled down and had his winkis laughed at. Well now it's time for Ross Oberman to get his revenge. He will not stop until everyone is eliminated. That includes Harvey Pershack. He'll get in a single-engine plane and rain newborn cats onto the townspeople if that's what it takes. He'll even tinkle on Sarah Vernon if that's what it's going to take for people to realize Ross Oberman means business. And business doesn't start with a B in Ross Oberman's world. It starts with an H. Think about that before you think about this: Ross Oberman will pour boiling hot soup on Oscar Rainbow's head. He'll take Feathers and Estelle and bury them in mud. Then when the mud guy comes by for his weekly pick up: a couple of mud people for the museum. This is Ross Oberman's first and only warning: beware of Ross Oberman because he's not stopping until everyone is speaking German.


[Source: The Ross Oberman Files]

Ross Oberman - Didn't Get the Job

rossoberman: "My name is Ross Oberman
capolo: hi ross, weve been over this - no need for the quotation marks
rossoberman: check your attitude before your attitude gets in a car wreck
i think that's the expression
capolo: ok I have no idea what you are talking about ross
would you like an interview?
rossoberman: i'd like to interview for the open position, yes
capolo: we've got staff doo doo
rossoberman: pass
what else?
capolo: only other position we have is staff penis
rossoberman: interesting
i'll go for staff doo doo
capolo: great!
experience? muffins?
ross? are you alive?
rossoberman: you'll have to excuse me
i'm making soup and it's quite a process
can we begin please?
capolo: do you have any experience??
rossoberman: as a doo doo?
capolo: yeah!
rossoberman: in 1993 i was turned into a doo doo by chemist Dr. Mick Mandrich. single-handily won Paraguay the olympic games
capolo: can you explain that?
rossoberman: no
i'm not here to explain things
capolo: ross!
rossoberman: yes?
capolo: any other experience
rossoberman: my name is Ross Oberman you know
capolo: thought you had died, but I guess not
that isn't a real name
let smove on
rossoberman: you're right, it isn't
capolo: do you have any other experience sir?
rossoberman: 1998-2007 i worked at a mcdonalds restaurant
mcdonalds
capolo: how did that end?
rossoberman: and i was the greatest employee that ever lived. single-handedly won Germany the olympic games
capolo: hold on ross
rossoberman: was fired in 2007 for starting too many fry grease fires
capolo: how many olympic games have you won and with how many different countries?
rossoberman: and murdering a salamander
but that got thrown out of court
capolo: knew there was a murder in there
ok ross, lets move on
criminal history?
rossoberman: murdered a salamander in 2007 - acquitted on all charges
stole a house in 2009
still on the run from the authorities
capolo: stole a house?
rossoberman: sure did
and i'll steal your house!
capolo: ross, take it easy
rossoberman: that was uncalled for, i apologize
capolo: education?
rossoberman: i graduated from Yale in 1973 with a degree in shlumming
capolo: what does that mean
rossoberman: single-handily lost Mexico the olympic games
capolo: ROSS!
family history please
rossoberman: that's all i can say while the court case is still ongoing
capolo: family history!
yes
rossoberman: my father Zernick died in Viet Nam
not in the war, he visited Viet Nam in 2003 and got hit by a bus
and the bus wasn't moving, he just ran into it
that's just a good bowl of soup!
capolo: ok ross, im not sure that you are a fit for us
in fact, stay where you are please
rossoberman: ok, stay where i am and then what happens? a clown comes?
i don't understand
can we continue the interview please?
capolo: no, its over
rossoberman: oh ok great
i'll start last Wednesday if you need me to
capolo: you didnt get the job
rossoberman: that's too bad, because i DID get the job
you're right it doesn't
capolo: thats it ross - go away now
rossoberman: but to be completely honest, i haven't made any sense since 1997
capolo: what happened in 97?
rossoberman: that's when i took acid for the first time
things are different since then
capolo: alright ross, thats enough
rossoberman: alright
capolo: please find me someone else to speak with now

September 18, 2011

Jerk Hires Red-Hot DC



The Jerk has announced a blockbuster hiring as Vic Shealy has been brought on as staff defensive coordinator. Shealy, formerly the coordinator at Kansas University, was left in the middle of a mud field after his defense allowed 1,400 yards to Georgia Tech in a loss Saturday.

"We had a game plan and we executed it," Shealy said of Kansas' 103-19 loss. "I thought we put together an excellent performance, but as we were boarding the plane, ready to head back to Lawrence (Kansas) for a post-game celebration and potato fight, all of a sudden the rest of the team is on the plane and I'm nude in the corner of the airport. A lady named Millie took me in and gave me a graham cracker, sent me on my way. Anyway, I'm looking forward to this opportunity with Hey Jerk. That Frozengard youngster has serious odor problems and I'm looking forward to teaching him the 3-4 defense and showing him how to clean up a wide receiver's underpants."

The Jerk has also brought on several former Kansas defensive backs, who Shealy described as "the guys you want to find apple cores with". Shealy is expected to start soon, pending a rhinoceros physical.

September 15, 2011

Puppitch Family Arrives

After Niles Puppitch passed away earlier this morning from a Gary overdose, the Puppitches decided that it was time. They announced their intention to "arrive" this morning, and are scheduled to land at HQ at 6 PM GST. The Puppitches arive from the Planet Gwombus, and are Gwombosians.

Puppitch Family Leader, Douglas Puppitch


The Puppitches, who speak Puppitch, will be translated for us through their loyal interpreter, 6.

6



The Puppitches plan on making a formal announcement, but for now we will detail their family bio.

Puppitch Family Bio

Name: Puppitch
Leader: Douglas "Thin Toe" Puppitch, Al
Origins: Unknown, but most likely the Sun
Current Residence: Gwombus
Feet: yes
Dinkus: no
Other Family Members: Lil Tim, Paul, Perry, Sal Delmonico, Gary
Females: do not exist
Trademark: peanut butter filled anus
Comments: enjoy human elbows, dislike derwood morris

- Staff Puppitch Correspondent Gus Gary

Puppitch Makes Statement

SOUTHEAST VORT, 1:39 a.m. - Vort County governor Niles Puppitch held a press conference in his underwear and slippers early Thursday morning, addressing the recent raisin deaths of his cabinet member, Cabinet and rapper and friend of the family, Lil' Peanut.

"Let me start by saying this is truly a sad day for the Puppitch family. My brother, D'Antray, my sister, Vy'troose, our easter egg, Amanda and myself grew up with Cabinet and Lil' Peanut. During the soy sauce storms of '86, they, along with their live-in futon, Randal, took us in and gave us shelter until the storms went over there, to that guy's house (points to a man in the crowd). These raisin deaths, which we think are the mastermind of the evil ghost of Dr. Emile Crugg, will not be tolerated. It is my promise to the great people of....this town, that the raisins will be exterminated. We will live in a homicidal-raisin-free society before the end of this and many millenniums. We will live to see another bus ride to the moon. We will dance shoeless in a sea of orange juice. As long as I am governor, the streets will be filled with gravel, the front lawns filled with front lawn, and the ceilings filled with ceiling stuff. Thank you."

September 13, 2011

He's Back for Season 2!



7 people worldwide are thrilled and have set their TIVO boxes to "Doody" in preparation for the premiere.

- Staff Berkus Correspondent Gatfeld Humphrey

Marvin Piso Interview

The following is a transcript of editor Oscar Rainbow's interview with famed goldfish whisperer Marvin Piso.


marvin.piso: hello
rainbow: marvin, nice to hear from you. we were supposed to interview for this position on two other occasions, but instead, there were unfortunate incidents
marvin.piso: well, the first one was out of my control, you know that harry. the second one, yes, i should have worn underpants
rainbow: don't call me harry, and you should have, yes. but that's in the past. just a few minutes ago, sure, but still-in the past. let's start the interview
marvin.piso: fine, let's start the interview
rainbow: first, drop the attitude off at Attitudetown
marvin.piso: I don't know where that is
rainbow: it's over there. population: you and a guy named tony
marvin.piso: fine, can we begin please?
rainbow: we can. what is your work experience, glenn? is it ok if i call you glenn?
marvin.piso: no, it is certainly not ok. my name is marvin, and what position am i interviewing for?
rainbow: the only position we have available is Staff Avocado
marvin.piso: fine
rainbow: you're the ideal candidate
marvin.piso: ate an avocado in '88, threw it up
rainbow: ok, great, then what happened?
marvin.piso: nothing, move on quickly
rainbow: well, if you're going to take the staff avocado position, we're going to need you to be here bright and early every morning for hair and makeup
marvin.piso: hair and makeup?
rainbow: it's going to take a real commitment from you and your family. it's all in the introduction packet
marvin.piso: dont involve Gary Jr. in this discussion. and there was no packet
rainbow: there will be a packet. Gary Jr.? is that your son?
marvin.piso: he lives with me, yes
rainbow: ok, well this is awkward. we can't hire anyone with a relative named Gary. so either change his name or get rid of him
marvin.piso: he isn't a relative, he cleans my feet
rainbow: no relation? fine. we have a foot cleaner on staff, so, no problem there
marvin.piso: great. move on
rainbow: stop telling me to move on, that should be first on your list.
marvin piso: i don't have a list.
rainbow: make a list.
marvin piso: done.
rainbow: second on the list: take off my pants and put on your own pants
marvin piso: i'm sorry, i can't do that. do you have any education?
rainbow: 1991-2008 attended Stanford. was shot in the right shoulder with a bow and arrow, may, 2008. never heard from again
marvin.piso: great. any experience?
rainbow: experience with what? a bow and arrow?
marvin.piso: with being a staff avocado, this is an interview
rainbow: i understand that. i was staff avocado for influential blogs throughout the decade of the 1990s
marvin.piso: wait, you are supposed to be interviewing me, harry
rainbow: you know what, you may be on to something
marvin.piso: oh, I'm on to something alright
rainbow: well, should you be the staff avocado or should i?
marvin.piso: i'm not following
rainbow: the staff avocado position, should we avocado, asparagus, scissors for it? note: i always pick asparagus
marvin.piso: HARRY! GET A HOLD OF YOURSELF!
rainbow: who is Harry? because it isn't me
marvin.piso: who are you?
rainbow: you've been calling me Harry for years and i'm tired of it
marvin.piso: i was told you were harry by a guy named harry
rainbow: i'm marvin piso, aren't i?
marvin.piso: no thats me
rainbow: ok, well i need to take a minute, check the inside of my undershirt
marvin.piso: go in the corner, Burt and take a deep breath
rainbow: i don't take deep breaths. that's illegal in my country
marvin.piso: what country would that be
rainbow: i'm not going to answer that question in this economy. let's continue with the interview please. any fast food experience?
marvin.piso: Subway. sandwich engineer from 1997-1997
rainbow: so, 1997? the word "engineer" isn't necessary, obviously. you made sandwiches
marvin.piso: SANDWICH ENGINEER
rainbow: back off capital letter avenue, and take a stroll down lower case lane
marvin.piso: ill disregard that last sentence. so, yes, in 1997 I worked there
rainbow: and you got fired i'm assuming? how did it happen?
marvin.piso: well, lets just say I had a no oswald policy and an oswald walked in
rainbow: i understand. well, marvin, you're not hired. i'm terribly sorry. please leave your galoshes and mayo hose at the front door and get at least 1,000 feet away from the headquarters building immediately
marvin.piso: i'm not at headquarters, i'm there.
rainbow: perfect, stay there.
marvin.piso: fine. i hope you understand that based on this interview we could never hire you.
rainbow: i accept your decision, now please, can you get down from my shoulders?

September 12, 2011

RE: The Gary Population

Over the last several decades, a lot has been said in the Russo Times and other publications about the overflow of Garys and the possibility of a Gary Population Explosion (G.P.E.) by the end of the new millennium. The editors at the Jerk have obtained documents from two southern states in these United States of America to help shed some light on Gary invasions and the possible spike in Gary-related kitchen utensils by the year 2075.

Here are two such reports-an email plea from a distinguished Belfonte from the state of South Carolina and a letter from a Puppitch in the state of Georgia:



Hi,

My name is Daquaggo Belfonte and I'm emailing you with concern about the study I recently conducted on increased Gary activity in the state of South Carolina. After 12 weeks of research, we found that Garys worldwide were flocking to the state with wreckless abandon, sometimes even bringing along Lennys or Phils. At most recent count, we had over 4,000,000 Garys in Central South Carolina and rising. Obviously, an established society stands no chance of prospering in such a situation and will most likely meet its demise within months.

I'm hoping that you can provide some guidance on the Gary problem that I have uncovered with the hopes of saving many lives, and, perhaps these United States of America.


Sincerely,
Daquaggo Belfonte



Good evening,

I am Nuddles Puppitch, head of Harrys and Barrys throughout the southeastern United States. As our studies have shown, not a significant enough Gary population growth has occurred to warrant any further investigation. There was a guy named Gary who came into the deli for a roast beef sandwich on rye, but he was turned away for his stance on P.I.D. (pants in a deli). As for the Gary who stormed the courthouse steps in the summer of '88, that matter is best left to the very courts with which he soiled his dungarees upon.

I now consider the matter Boris.


Then,
N. Puppitch, May 8, 2003

September 6, 2011

Tuesday Morning Auction

Today we have an autographed original of Cletus Busby handwritten directions. This item is hot, so make your offer ASAP. Bids begin at $4,000.



Please send all offers, along with a urinal cake, to oscarrainbow@gmail.com.


- Staff Auctioneer Chester Allamawadoo

September 5, 2011

Report: Klevinson Headed to the Sun

Groober City - Former staff orange Donald Klevinson has reportedly boarded a porpoise to the sun "completing a ten-year mission that began with the first worldwide bagel war," according to Klevinson's family lawyer, Loi Yer. Klevinson is planning on full-scale changes for the sun, including making it less sunny and providing more raisins.

Klevinson's family-Ollie (mailbox), Deloris (wife-in-law) and mailbox flag (Glenn Jr.) refused comment, choosing instead to plead the Pinecone Amendment.


- Correspondent Za'Quan Beverly

September 2, 2011

Friday Night Cancellations

Softball

* Team 4 at Bert's Bakery - ppd, mayonnaise shortage. No makeup date rescheduled
* 4th Street Adult Novelties at Team Green - ppd, rain. Doubleheader: September 10, 1:30 p.m.

Vigils

* Almond Butterfield prayer service - moved to Bleecher Ave. Baptist Church, 7:00 p.m.
* Can of tomato sauce - 6:00 p.m. at Qwogg City Ballroom

September 1, 2011

Drawing Contest Winner Chosen

Out of over four entries, Hey Jerk editors have chosen a winner for our first-ever Drawing Contest.

Congratulations to Tiffany Mertz, age 6, for her drawing entitled "Capolo's Hair is Smelly."




Tiffany wins the grand prize of a talking elephant named Marty and six graham crackers.

Cast List for New Film Announced

The cast for the upcoming film, Three Sunflower Seeds 'Till Broadway, has been announced.


Max Berzley as Father Joseph "Backstage" McCrary
Almond Butterfield as the dying buffalo
Vanessa L'Shon as Professor Donaldson/Biker Peggy
Mick Ruso as the singing dandelion
Stefan Silvestri-Christensen as avocado salesman Len Lersher
Zygitt-9 as the ghost of Cleveland Booby
Capolo Henderson as Cal Naughton Jr.
Oscar Rainbow III. as Wendell Fonchonski
Claude & Tatiana Dandridge as The Dandridges
Zizz-45 as the clapping pancake
Shin-Sei Cho as Daniel Laruso
Dottie Pepper as the curling iron that could

and introducing:

Barbara Piso-Rainbow as Heather the Bunny Whisperer