Willingham Hired

Rubrick Willingham has been brought on board to thin out the Frozengard population.

The Frozengards, led by staff hobo Charles, lately have been caught drinking pond water and reenacting scenes from the play I Capolo'd In My Underpants, which are violations of the Hey Jerk bylaws.

Willingham and his staff-a giraffe named Marty and a photograph of a pear-will move into a 9th floor office and immediately begin spraying for apricots. Once the Frozengards are wiped out completely, the napkin tests will begin.


Source: eyelash

A New Path: McKenna Leaves Office

Emmitt McKenna, Staff Dictator here at The Jerk for over a few months, has stepped down immediately to pursue other career options.

McKenna (Not Dead)


Upon leaving his office abruptly, McKenna did offer a short statement to his loyal supporters (Chet Bwinkley and Samuel Hollobath):


"I'm leaving office to pursue my dream of professional pooing."


So that's it for Emmitt "Donkey-Man" McKenna. Lets all move on, quickly.


Immediately upon hearing about the opening for Staff Mogul, riots arose in the streets surrounding HQ. Several were killed, trampled to death or otherwise, including Mayor Binkle and Congressman Hopp, in addition to Garbageman Gus Ashirmen. One man arose from the dust - Ernesto "Ernie" Ploop III.


Ploop (Staff Mogul)





Ploop, and self-proclaimed "Ploopinaire," comes from the well known Ploop clan of southern South Dakota. He is best known for once eating an entire walrus, live, and changing his name to Randall for 7 hours (August, 1947).

Ploop promises to get this blog going again, as in recent weeks there has not been much activity. He also promises to kill several old staff members and not replace them. "We have too many staff members."

Please join us in a glorious salute to new Staff Mogul, Ernie Ploop.

- Staff Correspondent Gerard Jeggles

Verdley Dead

Bershwin Verdley has died (notebook paper overdose).

"Let's all move on with our lives please."


- Correspondent Paul Verdley

Na'Qwon Hired

Vaisley Na'Qwon has been hired as Staff Na'Qwon, pending a dandelion spore physical.

Na'Qwon worked for over 20 years at the influential blog Kitchen Odors, and he played fullback at the Klauzenrodner University from 1993-1996, leading the Big Tooth Conference in post-game receiving yards.


- Correspondent Zach Wizzersmith

Wendell Torkleson: Passed Source: Russo Times, June, 2011

Brestin Dead

Art Brestin, war hero and former backpack model, was killed at headquarters by several flying potatoes late Monday. Brestin, who claims to have fought in over 400 wars, fighting with such historic figures as the Romans, Abraham Lincoln and Ulises S. Grant, killing Napoleon and Custer, and waging war against the sun in the early-1970s, was 1,100-years old at the time of this death.

His nose was 4.

Brestin's brother, Ernie, delivered the eulogy:

"Well, that's it."